Friday, January 24, 2014

My Husband's Better Wife

My husband has been living with his other wife for the last few weeks.  She is relaxed.  She is not paranoid about the house being perfect.  Shoot.  She let someone go upstairs when it was Not Clean.  She wore sweatpants and a t-shirt to small group.  She invited people over and didn't fix her hair.  She was up for anything he wanted to do in the evenings or on the weekends.  She laughed.  A lot.  So deeply it sounds like a horse.  She snuggled and lazed around with him without feeling guilty that she was wasting time.

But, he's about to come home to me.  Poor, Husband.

I, am not so relaxed.  I like plans and agendas - that is how I relax!  I like things to be perfect.  Including me.  Including him.  So, letting someone see my entire house when I wasn't expecting them to... Gasp!  And the evenings - well, friends, I have things to do.  Things to clean.  Things to prepare for.  And the weekends - my to-do list is too long to go sit in the park all afternoon.

Oh - but I did love it.  I loved being that wife.  The wife who just was, and not the one who was trying to be.  I loved our park adventures, and talking-talking and playing our guitars together.  And the laughing.

I wonder if my husband loved the better me better...  I sure did.

And so, after this month of healing from surgery and living in slower motion, I will go back to work.  But I don't want my existence to become work.  Our home has always been one of cheerful peace... but this past month I just felt easier in life.  I want to keep that.

So I am staring these two questions down:

Jacaranda Tribal Mask
1.  I need my to-do list done to feel ___________.
a) in control
b) prepared
c) successful
d) all of the above
e) none of the above

2.  I need things to be perfect so other people will __________ me.
a) respect
b) enjoy
c) value
d) love
e) all of the above
f) none of the above

The other wife - the woman I have been for the last few weeks - she would have said none of the above.  She had an excuse.  Recovering from surgery.  No one expects a gal to have it all together after surgery.  I didn't even expect me to have it all together.

So, there's the truth.  I'm the one who is expecting me to Be Great.  Everyone else probably suspects that I am not perfect.  Maybe I just need to admit to it and let it go.

Jesus said the real to do list was Finished.  He said I will not be perfect so He will be my perfection...

Thank You, Jesus.  Won't you help me ply off this concrete mask?   I want to be the Better Wife.  The Better Servant.  The Better Worshiper.  All the time.

All the time.

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