But, he's about to come home to me. Poor, Husband.
I, am not so relaxed. I like plans and agendas - that is how I relax! I like things to be perfect. Including me. Including him. So, letting someone see my entire house when I wasn't expecting them to... Gasp! And the evenings - well, friends, I have things to do. Things to clean. Things to prepare for. And the weekends - my to-do list is too long to go sit in the park all afternoon.
Oh - but I did love it. I loved being that wife. The wife who just was, and not the one who was trying to be. I loved our park adventures, and talking-talking and playing our guitars together. And the laughing.
I wonder if my husband loved the better me better... I sure did.
And so, after this month of healing from surgery and living in slower motion, I will go back to work. But I don't want my existence to become work. Our home has always been one of cheerful peace... but this past month I just felt easier in life. I want to keep that.
So I am staring these two questions down:
|Jacaranda Tribal Mask|
a) in control
d) all of the above
e) none of the above
2. I need things to be perfect so other people will __________ me.
e) all of the above
f) none of the above
The other wife - the woman I have been for the last few weeks - she would have said none of the above. She had an excuse. Recovering from surgery. No one expects a gal to have it all together after surgery. I didn't even expect me to have it all together.
So, there's the truth. I'm the one who is expecting me to Be Great. Everyone else probably suspects that I am not perfect. Maybe I just need to admit to it and let it go.
Jesus said the real to do list was Finished. He said I will not be perfect so He will be my perfection...
Thank You, Jesus. Won't you help me ply off this concrete mask? I want to be the Better Wife. The Better Servant. The Better Worshiper. All the time.
All the time.