Thursday, May 30, 2013

A Lovely Emotional Wreck

I am going crazy.  My mind cannot make a complete thought.  Between packing and moving and two big concerts at work tomorrow, I am unfocused.  Even with my massive lists, my brain is overwhelmed. This morning I almost put the clothes in the washing machine that I had just folded.

So, I've needed some help when it comes to focusing my brain during my prayer time.  Usually I journal my prayers, but for the last month, I have struggled with it.  So, I've started using prayer cards.  I wrote names of people and different topics (our marriage, our church, work) that I pray for.  Each morning I partner each card with a different verse from a little flip book of Scriptures, using the verse to guide how I pray.

One of my cards is simply titled "Emotions".  I have lived so long with the idea of I can't control my emotions that I am needing the Holy Spirit to retrain my thinking about how I feel and my feelings themselves.  And boy, has God shown me some doozy verses that have stopped me in my emotional tracks.

Many of the verses I have memorized or are at least somewhat familiar... but when I put them into the context of submitting my emotions to the Good News...  woah, Nellie...

We who are strong out to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.  Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.  -Romans 15:1-2

What?  My grumpiness because I'm not being pleased should to turn into joy in pleasing someone else?  What about what I want?  What about my needs kingdom come?

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways. -Psalm 139:1-3

What?  So my bitterness because my love tank idol of approval isn't being worshiped by those around me does not compare to the Lord's care and love for me?

The beauty of the Word is that it can wrap around my soul...  it can grow roots into my emotional being.  It can cut away my flesh-emotions and help me keep in step with the Spirit (Galations 5:25).  I'm not there yet.  Sometimes I can feel the tears welling up - or the blood pressure rising - even while I'm quoting Scripture to myself... even when I'm remembering the Truth of the Good News.  But, I'm also counting on these Scriptures not returning void.  And as I long for the sanctification of my emotions, I am so thankful for the mercy of a grace-giving God.  ... a God who is wrecking havoc in my heart.

For the word of God is alive and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  -Hebrews 4:12







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