I don't know why this has been hard for me to admit. Maybe it has something to do with shame. Maybe it has something to do with realizing that I can't fix myself like I thought I could. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I need help. Maybe it is because I want to believe that I was fine - that I am fine. I just don't know... especially because I love it. I really adore my leader and fellow members. And the program has been so good for me, so helpful.
So, why am I leery about telling people? Especially when I do mention it, I find that there are tons of people who started and didn't continue or who practice it on their own or who are members now.
It's like this with all my struggles. The more I confess them, the more I see that I need the grace... the more I find out I'm not alone... the more I am encouraged.
I have missed two weeks of meetings at Weight Watchers. And I really have missed them. I can tell a difference in how I've reverted back to emotional eating and to gluttony, laziness, and greed - which shows on the scale. When I'm away from the accountability and the encouragement I am so weak. I can only be strong when I stand beside someone and say, "I can't do this alone. You have to help me."
Hebrews 3:13 says,
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
We are to encourage each other... and for what purpose? To guard ourselves from sin. This encouragement has to start at an honest place. I can't do it alone. I need you to help me.
I wish there was a way to weigh in our spiritual life each week. A way to measure how we're doing. A way to confess that we can't do it alone.
Maybe there is. Maybe it has something to do with a cup of wine and a little piece of bread... and the sinner-saints who sit around us each Sunday.