Missing the Blessings

This afternoon I went walking up a little trail. I carried with me my hand weights. This was serious business. I hiked as fast as I could, circled the top and headed back down. And got motion sick.

Motion sickness is my thorn and it drives me crazy. I never know when it will come. Today it came hard. I walked down the rocky hill as far as I could. And I stopped. I stood in a clearing and let the wind whip around me as I stared into the sky. After a few minutes I walked again. And then I had to stop. I was sick. So, I sat down and watched the world spin. Yuck. So, I laid down and closed my eyes. Perfect. The sun was warm and the wind was cool and I could not hear humanity.

I started thinking about my friends and I remembered Amanda.

Amanda and I spent nine months together in Haiti. They were my last nine months and her first nine months. Both of us had determined not to invest in each other. We knew we were just passing in each others' lives. But, somehow, in spite of our determination, we became friends. Real friends. The clock didn't dictate our hearts.

I am an optimist when it comes to other peoples' lives. When it comes to mine, I'm a pessimist. When I pick flowers I have already planned the day I will have to throw them out. When I watch a movie I love I'm very conscience of how I'm going to be sad when it's over. I'm one of those people who won't read the last chapter of a good book so I can stall the disappointment I'll feel when I've read the last page.

Lately, I've been living in this pessimistic thinking. It's taken me ten months to make friends here in the States. And now I'm leaving in three months. Sigh... I spend too much time thinking about the leaving, too much time sad about how their lives will change while I'm gone and that I'll miss seeing what God will do, too much time wondering if I'll fit in those lives when I return.

As I laid in the woods today, I remembered Amanda. I remembered how God brought us together AT the perfect time FOR the perfect time. And that we will always hold each other in our hearts because of what God taught us during that season. We might never live in the same country again. Our only form of communication might be through Facebook, Skype, Vonage, Email and the Phone (Thank You, Lord!). And that's OK. It's OK to love someone and learn from them and miss them.

And I thought about my new friends. And how I don't want a three month time-line to limit our relationships. I don't want to be so concerned about the journey that I miss out on the blessings within the journey.

The rocks. The trees. The birds. The leaves. The way the sun dances among the shadows of the branches.

I had missed them on the way up. It wasn't until I slowed down that I could enjoy what God had to give.


Tara said…
Neat thoughts today April! I too agree with your thought on being positive with others lives yet pessimist with my own. Made me think a little through your words.


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